The terrorists wanted to strike at the heart of America. I think they vastly underestimated what they would find there.
No, it still hasn't sunk in. I haven't gone to see it up close. I refuse to listen to the personal stories of luck or tragedy. I don't want to know. Numbers, the state of the remaining buildings, and the latest transit situation is all I can deal with right now.
I have managed to get supremely bummed that I'll never get back to Windows on the World. That's all that is processing at the moment.
One Liberty Plaza is about to fall down. That building housed the beginning of my illustrious Wall St. career. I've spent time in 1, 2, 5, and 7 World trade, as well as 3 World Financial, which is also in danger of coming down. So is the Millenium hotel (or however it's spelled, it *is* spelled wrong). I've been there a few times too.
It's getting harder not to take this personally.
I'm beginning to think that it's a twisted version of dominoes, taking weeks to unfold.
Of course, after all of those, the next building that has to go (to affect me) is on 23rd St. That should take months. (If you know NYC, you should be laughing now)
A couple of little events do feel good, considering the circumstances. The details of the revolt on the plane in Pittsburgh is one. Watching traditional US enemy states trip all over each other to offer aid to us is another. Seeing people be good to one another for a change is a third.
I know it's only temporary.
Some time between 30 seconds from now and next year I will completely lose it. I don't know when that is, but it is bound to happen. I don't do the blubbering mess thing well, so when it does happen, it won't be pretty.
Most of the people alive in the world today have never seen a truly pissed off USA, myself included. We have seen an annoyed USA, a frustrated USA, even a ticked off USA. The large hammer that congress has talked about feels good at the moment, and I am inclined to make all the problems look like nails.
Violence may beget violence, however, as Howard Stern pointed out (and I never listen to him...it was one of those chance statements I heard), Japan was never violent again after WWII. Extreme violence can put certain institutions back in their place. Or worse.
That may not work in this case, but we are about to find out.
I want to feel bad for liking that fact. I want to be more logical and less pissed off.
It's not working. I don't care.
I want to see something blown up. I want to know we did it.
This isn't a debate, it's a statement of fact:
I want revenge.
Other little details: the first non-fighter jet flew overhead today. It appeared to be a 727. I was more scared by that sound than any of the prior F-16's screaming by.
I haven't heard any sirens tonight. I don't know that I can sleep with all the quiet.
I don't know that I want to.
The infighting comes next. The cheesy tribute remixes and the commemmorative plates on QVC. The mouring period will end and the chance to cash in will be too great for some. The arguments over the appropriate courses of action and the staggering impact of the cost of it all. For now, though, we are still basically united.
And pissed off.
That's going to have to be enough for now.
:::::posted by erratic :: 08-something PM EST linky
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
What can I say?
Like a lot of people around here, the planes hitting the towers was one thing, the collapse refocused everything again.
That last post was written before the collapse.
I have gone to see it with my own eyes. I know people who worked there.
Two weeks in either direction I could have easily been there myself, although on the lower floors. Small consolation I suppose, but I'll take what I can get right now.
I have forced myself to watch the video over and over again. It's still on now. They're gone. It's not computing. They're fucking gone.
I think everyone I know got out, although the phones are still locked up solid. My new town I've moved to, with a distant view of the city, is receiving some victims by ferry. The sound of sirens has subsided this late, although I suspect it will go all night.
I listen to the media frenzy, trying to make it all sink in. The events of today, and the call for justice which is really a demand for vengeance. I can't say that I am all that interested in justice myself at the moment. I can only hope any retribution gets applied to the right people.
I should feel relieved. I left a life that would have centered me in the middle of the hell today. I should feel lucky that, so far, everyone I know is likely to be safe. I should feel lucky that this only glanced my life...but it's gutted my psyche right now, and I am wavering between denial and rage.
I want to believe that it's over too.
So I'm pouring another screwdriver, trying to make sense of it all, which I know won't happen. I will fall asleep, again, jolted awake by another nightmare, again, and wake up tomorrow in a temporary bliss that it was all a bad dream. I will go outside and see the plume of smoke filling the horizon, centered from where the tiny towers were visible yesterday.
Yes, I am OK.
No, I'm not.
I had all kinds of things to say about sharks and the legal system and various things in the world, but none of them seem important anymore.
I just can't believe it's fucking gone.««««««««««««««»»»»»»»»»»»»»»
:::::posted by erratic :: 11-something PM EST linky
And I thought that just the traffic was annoying today.
Perhaps it's just a sign that I really needed to get off my ass and come back to this. Heh.
No, I wasn't in the Trade Center today. Everyone that I know who is were on lower floors and got out OK.
There will likely be more to say when the inital accusations subside, although it does seem pretty clear that it is terrorism of some sort.
Happy Tuesday everybody.
:::::posted by erratic :: 06-something AM EST linky