Two thousand two. Two thousand and two. Twenty-oh-two.
I'm not sure which is the most proper way to denote this year, but I'm relatively sure it's one of them. Instead, I'll just use 2002.
It's a palindrome year, and we haven't had that happen since 1991. Even more remarkable: there haven't been two palindrome years within a one-century span since 1001. The next palindrome won't be until 2112, and the next two-in-one-century until 2992/3003.
Seems some significance should be taken from that.
A palindrome is the same back-to-front as it is front-to-back. I can't decide if a mirror image end to this year would actually be good or not, as I don't know if that would result in the same events in reverse, or the same events again. Reverse is the only order I could stomach right now.
2001 was a significant year...as years go. I suppose they are all significant in their own way, although that one contained enough loss and love and loss and love and loss and strength that for a single block of 12 months, it felt like 2 years had passed. Overall it was a good one, but I wouldn’t want to live it again. Not most of it, anyway.
But that was last week.... last year.
I had a good passing into the New Year, insofar as these things go. Something different, something new...with people I care about. Something I will treasure the memory of forever.
At the end of 2000, having long forgotten about the lights staying on for 01-01-01 and the fresh loss of that year's acrid taste still fresh, I vowed to forgo such insignificance of ceremony this year simply because it looked good to everyone who might possibly be watching. If that sounds convoluted, it's supposed to.
So three days into a fresh calendar, I am here again, with another acrid taste, although I have never been here before, either. Perhaps this year, a step-off onto the wrong foot will undo itself 11 3/4 months hence, or perhaps I am trying to take solace in a situation that seems impossible when the solution should not even be hard.
Quantum theory tells us that all outcomes are concurrent until one is set upon in observation...that seeing something as we wish will set it into that state. The collapse of possibility into a set state of singular existence can happen at any time with only a set of eyes to choose the course of fate. It is even possible to choose and choose again, having observed an event in one state, then another, and each observation will oblige whatever we ask of it.
It's a neat little theory when there is only one observer. The catch is, that is rarely the case.
In the case of outcome being forced in an undesirable direction, do you leave open the other potential states? Or accept the choice as being what needs to be seen for whatever the observer must choose? Do you choose differently and let the universe sort it out? Is the conflicting quanta observed treated as a union or an intersection? When your own reality starts collapsing around you, is mourning the loss of possibility the problem, or is it in choosing the wrong state? Is pain truly inevitable?
This, the year of palindrome--of symmetry--has me off balance less than 96 hours into it, and no matter how I turn it over in my head, I cannot make any sense of just why this is. If the personal desires for observation have any teeth in setting forth possibility into concrete, then everything is just completely wrong.
Why do we need to see things the way we do? Why does it have to hurt? I feel the anger and sadness boil up beneath my skin, screaming the answer, which should be so simple, but in the end, is only a potentiality…and I'm not the only observer.